A Hopefull Conclusion to the Dell Nightmare

There comes times in one's life where one ponders if he's experiencing reality, or trapped in some sadistic episode of the Twilight Zone. I have to say, this final episode in the Dell "Customer Lack of Service" saga has plunged me into such a time.

Turns out if you've got a blog detailing your experience at Dell, they actually end up reading it, at least if you submit it in support requests, fax it to some fax number a support rep gave you that was supposed to be another service department, and email it to the customer advocacy department at Dell.

So I'm home sick from work, and here our tale begins. The phone rings, caller ID informs me it's an 800 number. Old ingrained anti-telemarketer instinct almost prevents me from answering, but I'm feeling lucky, so I pick up.

It turns out to be Debbie, from Dell's "Customer Advocate" department. Seems after a couple of weeks of plowing through Dell phone support numbers, submitting support requests, and writing an entire blog about your experience that you spread all over the web, you are entitled to a Dell person who will "share your pain" and try to get your problem resolved.

This must be the gold standard of Dell's service personnel, a person who will be available on a direct line, and will absolutely not stop working with you until your problem is resolved.

So Debbie, fresh with apologies and optimism, embarks with my wife and I on the journey to the find the Holy Grail, by which I mean closing a "Dell Preferred Account".

First, Debbie asks me to forward her our original Dell order confirmation emails. O.K., I dig them up, and forward them along.

We wait... Hmm, doesn't seem the email is making it through... Seems this is not entirely uncommon, you know how funny those Dell email servers can be, so she suggests a different email address.

Presto! Almost instantaneous delivery! Excellent, we're on our way.

Then I explain that my wife is away at the moment, and she's had to be on the line before to get things going with some of the support departments involved. She says we'll proceed anyways, that we can pick up later if my wife needs to be involved.

So we start the 3-way call into the department Debbie believes can solve our problem. As soon as I hear the teleprompt service start up, I realize Debbie's in for a ride.

Sure enough, the first number's a dud, nobody can help. We try another, teleprompts, hold queue, she asks if I want to remain on hold while we wait for someone. Sure, why not, I have nothing to do as the Flu has knocked me out for the day.

...waiting... ...waiting...

Debbie's back, says she's still on hold, she hasn't forgotten me. ...warm fuzzies, I feel special... Back on hold

...waiting... ...waiting...

Debbie returns, she needs to do more research it seems, and will call me back when she knows more. I thank her, we part again.

Around 20 minutes later, my wife is back home, and we're peaking with anticipation of Debbie's return call.

..ring...

Debbie's back, cool. Turns out our account is "On Hold"..

I pause here to remind the reader that my very first call to Dell maybe almost a week ago was to try and find out why the account was "On Hold"

She tells me that an account cannot be closed before it is first gotten off the "On Hold" status. For this to happen, an "Account Verification" needs to take place.

My warm fuzzies start to evaporate as Debbie tells me that the "Account Verification" people are a funny bunch who get nervous if the "Customer Advocate" is on the line at the same time as an "Account Verification" is happening. We have to go this one alone, but she'll be waiting to hear how it pans out.

...deep breath...

We call the number, (800) 624-9897, extension 7268826.. A friendly gentleman answers, asking how he can assist us. We say we'd like to "Verify" and then "Close" our Dell Preferred Account.

He says he cannot help us, can he forward us to someone who can?

!!! Oh no!! We've been there before!!!

..click... calling Debbie...

Debbie is shocked and dismayed to hear that the number she gave us won't do the deal... She's gonna find out what's what, can we hold?

Sure...

Debbie's back again, fresh new number to try. She's rooting for us!!

(866) 228-9620...

ringing...

We enter our SSN at the new prompt that greets us. Another guy comes on the phone, asks us how he can assist us.. Um, "Verify" and then "Close" our Dell Preferred account.

Hmm... He can't help us, but can he transfer us to someone who can?

Sure, we bite, it's GOT to work one of these days...

So we get transferred through. Brand new teleprompt, enter SSN, cool...

..beeping noises..
"We're having technical difficulties"
..click.. bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Time to call Debbie Back. She's very sorry that the latest round of Dell phone number roulette didn't work out for us. She promises that she'll figure it out, can we hold?

Sure...

...waiting...
...waiting...
...waiting...

Now, usually I've got a pretty good tolerance for bladder control, but this flu bug is killing me.. I just HAVE to take a leak...

I am forced, in terror of losing our chance to get this account closed, to take a wiz while cradling the phone on my shoulder. Meanwhile I get to hear my wife chucking at the other end, seems she's had the other phone on speaker and the whole bathroom event is quite a show.

...flush...
...rinse...

...waiting...
...waiting...

...Did I like run over some old lady and this is my punishment or something???...

...waiting...

Debbie's back. She says there's an issue with the Billing Phone Number on our account. She's going to hack into the mainframe at Dell Central Command and flip it to our home phone number so when we call, Big Brother will know it's us.

O.K., Cool...

Back to (866) 228-9620...

Guy answers, he asks us... you get the idea... Says he can't close accounts, but he's just rip roaring sure his supervisor can..

holding...

Enter Mr. Supervisor. Can he get our name? Well, hmm... The name on the shiny new credit card you sent us has the name misspelled on it, do you want the RIGHT spelling, or YOUR spelling? He says the account number will suffice.. Cool.. We give it...


...back on hold...
...waiting...
...waiting...

Supe says he cannot verify our phone number because it is not showing up on their caller ID... Seems our IP Phone (Like Vonage Folks) is the problem. Can they change the account to another phone, like a cellular.

O.K., we feed the supe my wife's cellular phone number. Bingo! The cell phone rings, the verification happens, we're in business!

It is at this point, amazing as it may sound, that the representative on the phone asks us if we want to resurrect our original order..

No!!!!!!!

Alright then, we're told we can finally go about the business of closing the account.

but...

Not with this representative. They do, surprisingly, offer to get the appropriate party on the line while they put us on hold... O.K., sounds groovy.

...waiting...

...waiting...

...waiting...

Rep comes back to tell us they're working their way through a confusing teleprompt system, and to hang in there. Classic..

...waiting...

...waiting...

...waiting...

Rep comes back and says their call got dropped, they're gonna try again. Even better..

...waiting...

...waiting...

...waiting...

Rep returns to say that their call got dropped again.. They are at a loss, can't figure out how to get our account closed, seems to be some "glitch" in the system.. They're confused... JOIN THE CLUB!

So we call Debbie back, we're on a first name basis now, I feel like she's a distant relative or something. We relay the recent turn of events, and she promises she'll get to the bottom of it, again... She'll call us back..

Maybe 5-10 minutes later the final call arrives. Halleluiah!


THE ACCOUNT

HAS

BEEN

CLOSED!!!

We're free! Free from the tentacles of Dell Financial Services and the monstrous bureaucracy that has ensnared us, holding us hostage for the last couple of weeks! Free at last!

Debbie also seems jubilant, I feel like sending her a fruitcake. But I remind myself, this should never have happened. It should never have taken days of vigilant effort, numerous phone calls, many form submissions, endless transfers and holds and ultimately a great deal of stress to:

1) find out why our account was on hold and,
2) to cancel our order and close the account

This has been, without a doubt, the most bizarre, frustrating, and at times infuriating customer service experience I've ever had. I have oscillated between puzzlement, rage, frustration and stark disbelieve in the inadequacies in what has to be a deeply flawed company approach to customer service. It should NEVER take a public blogging, hours of hard work and considerable frustration to get through a simple hold based on an account verification.

For all of this, Debbie offers me a $100 discount code that, get this, can only be used on orders of $100 or more. So the company that has robbed me of many hours of my life in a seemingly futile attempt to close an account, wants me to use a discount code that ultimately guarantees I will actually have to spend more money to use!

I have to say Debbie was helpful, she seemed as trapped as we did in this maze of telephone teleprompt systems and helpless support reps.

We're not going to use the code that will be emailed to us on principal. If it can be transferred, we're going to give it to a brave friend of ours who plans on buying a Dell monitor in the near future.

I would strongly caution potential dell customers out there to take heed. It took this customer a great deal of effort to do what should have taken a single phone call to clear up. A company I once revered for having some pretty stand up support for solid, well priced hardware, seems to be crushing itself under the weight of a very poorly designed system of service and support.

We have yet to receive the code, or verification that the account is closed, but…


Hopefully, The End.